The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
