So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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