I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
