Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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