it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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