They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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