Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
