I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I want to fling myself into the sun
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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