He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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