so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
