How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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