Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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