If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
