i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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