I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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