I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
