it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
