and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
