never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
