i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
