so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
