A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
