how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
