He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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