I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
