I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
