yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
