I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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