Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This baby is an asshole
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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