Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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