The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
even my farts smell like vagina
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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