Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
