Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
