my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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