At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
