She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
