It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
