Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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