Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
