Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
