She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Im part way to drunk.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
