she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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