i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
