haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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