would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
