Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
