I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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