1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
