id be glad to
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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