There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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