i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
