So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
