I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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