her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Alive.
So much puke
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
