Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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