True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
