You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
